for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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