I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Randomize
