my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
