I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
