I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
