I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Two words: blizzard sex
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
