Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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