hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
