New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
