I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
