I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
