My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
