something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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