I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
