You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
