I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
