I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
