Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
