i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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