Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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