a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
