I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
