this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
