Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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