I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
3 2 1 whiskey
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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