ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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