I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
