i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
