thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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