Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
