I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
