I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
