Your face is a jimmy john
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
