i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
