Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
