New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
