I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
