Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
