yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
