Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
