Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
