$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
