We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
