Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
