I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
