Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
