i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
