I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
