it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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