just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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