I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
