That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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