Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
