omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
