She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
