Cold hands, warm shart.
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
