Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
