Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
