I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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