so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
