his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
