So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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